Starlin Castro – What a FABULOUS name! I once heard a Cubs fan at AT&TPark chanting “Lets go Castro!” This caught the attention of the 4 guys in front of him wearing female designer sunglasses. They were definitely from the Castro.
Killa Ka’aihue – First Baseman/DH for the Kansas City Royals or crazy gangster rapper from Hawaii?
Kosuke Fukudome – Just for the sake of hearing my immigrant father attempt to say his last name
Al Alburquerque – Short-lived character that was gunned down in a duel by Yosemite Sam in an early episode of Looney Tunes…I’m sure of it.
Milton Bradley – A company that makes games for kids or a player who would probably swing a bat at kids after losing a game?
Darwin Barney – Insert an obscure/whacky nickname before or after Darwin and you have a typical late 1800s big leaguer. “Darwin “Onion Belt” Barney is due up after “Shoeless” Joe Jackson”
Yhency Brazoban – What?
Coco Crisp – You knew he’d make the list before you finished reading the title of this posting.
Logan Ondrusek – What a cool name…Sounds more like an MMA fighter, NHL enforcer, and/or X-Men than a baseball player though.
Carlos Santana – I wonder how often this guy still gets asked if he knows there is a musician with the same name.
Rex Brothers – Logan Ondrusek’s tatted-up cousin in the WWE who goes off the theme of being a badass biker who drinks whiskey from a jug and plays guitar.
Jared Saltalamacchia – In a span of 4 seasons, he played for 3 teams. Teams were tired of having their tailor quit/die due to over-exhaustion for a guy who needed training on throwing the ball back to the pitcher.
Buster Posey – Sounds like a real jackass who would give you a wet Willie while at your mothers funeral. However, his real name, Gerald Demp Posey III deserves mention as well.
Enerio Del Rosario – Winner of the “Fanciest Sounding Hispanic Name in the MLB” award with teammate Humberto Quintero a runner-up for “Don’t call him that, it’s racist…wait, what’s that? You say that’s his real name?!” category. By the way, Shin-Soo Choo won that award. Well done, Houston.
David DeJesus – “Nobody F**ks with De Jesus”
Lucas Duda – The Dud-A-bides. Ok, that’s all for The Big Lebowski references
Prince Fielder – The name screams “Ghetto Fabulous Baseball Player” while the player’s appearance screams “Fat Ghetto Douche Bag.”
Joba Chamberlain – Screw baseball, with a name like this, he could probably put Joey Chestnut to shame in the world of competitive eating. But who am I kidding…we all know Bartolo Colon is the Yankees Designated Eater.
Andrew McCutchen – Probably safe to assume that this guy can wear a shirt that says “Kiss me I’m Irish,” right? Oh wait, he doesn’t have red hair…
Maikel Cleto – Isn’t he one of those creepy kids in Children of the Corn? Or maybe I’m thinking of white haired, Eli Whiteside.
Jon Jay – They say to never trust a man with two first names, but this guy takes it to a whole different level.
Mat Latos – Not much going on with the name here (other than his first name missing a “T”)… the guy is just a giant turd.
Frank Francisco – I love names that are rough English-Spanish translations. John Juan, Joe Jose, Peter Pedro, George Jorge, etc. Might be redundant, but I’ll take cultural diversity over going the simple route of Frank Squared.
Marc Rzepczynski – Definitely earned the nickname of “Scrabble.”
Placido Polanco – This is stupid, so don’t ask why, but the image of a platypus wearing a wig appears in my head every time I hear this name. If there is anything on this planet more intriguing than a platypus, I don’t want to know about it.
Antonio Bastardo – this...
Charlie Furbush - *Insert immature 14 year old boy’s giggle here*
Homer Bailey – Without baseball, this guy would probably be wearing overalls everyday sporting a good old fashioned mullet while holding a pitch fork.
Jhonny Peralta – Honestly, this name just makes me angry…dyslexic ass parents
Madison Bumgarner – “A Boy Named Sue” anyone? Not to mention, Bumgarner isn’t close to the Smiths or Johnsons of the world.
